Discovery's lousy goodbye

In light of changing jobs, I am required to change my medical aid to that used by my new company. I received the following SMS from Discovery, my current provider:

We value as a member and would like to discuss
your withdrawal. Please contact Discovery Health
on 0860... so that we can help you in any way we can.

If Discovery is aware that changing jobs often necessitates a change in medical aid etc, then I can't quite see the point of this message besides being part of protocol. In this case, a message customised to the circumstance may have been more impactful and slightly more relevant.

If, on the other hand, this is the standard communication that the brand sends to soon-to-be ex-customers, then this is a pathetic attempt at customer relationship management.

First, the communication is generic and in no way indicates that they are actually speaking directly to me: Jayne H, Policy Number: X. The fact that it is so generalised makes me very doubtful that this message is actually sincere or serious.

Second, why on earth would I or should I phone them? Whether I am obliged to leave them or choose to leave them (and the brand is genuinely interested in which it is and why), then surely it would make more sense to contact me directly via email or phone?

Regardess of my experience of the brand thus far, I certainly can't say I feel valued. I'm certainly not asking for a teary send-off, but if Discovery has no intention of making an effort to find out why I am leaving when it claims I am valued and it is interested, I might have been less bothered if the brand avoided making any contact with me altogether, rather than sending a lazy, impersonal "Please Call Me."

Targeted, you are, Lifestyle Communications, not

I think it is fair to say that the advertising message that has irked me most this year is this stupid sign that sits on the door inside one of the toilet cubicles at work.

It says: “If you are reading this now, you will realise how effective our Indoor Billboard can be in communicating your message. Please call…”

What a load of rubbish. I have no choice BUT to stare at that sign half a metre from the toilet upon which I am perched. Also, what an uncomfortable place to be bombarded with an advertising message, most of which are completely irrelevant to my being female, my being on the toilet at work, or anything to do with the act of going to a bathroom or a toilet for that matter.

Its effectiveness is based on the fact that it is invasive and I somehow doubt that a positive response is guaranteed when I’m sitting on a semi-public loo with my jeans half down and one-ply toilet paper that has just fallen on the floor in hand.

Lip Ice, if you're being sincere, hats off to you

I heard an ad on the radio this morning for Lip Ice and it caught my attention because I initially thought that it was a ridiculously stupid and risky advert.

However, while slightly tacky and a little too animated to be completely sincere, I appreciate the sentiment and main message of the ad to consumers: the brand apologised to consumers, or more particularly (if I heard correctly) original Lip Ice fans, for taking the product away.

I have scarce information about the story behind this initiative, but I think that a little bit of honesty goes a long way as opposed to bombarding my ears and mind with some fake, window-dressed promise that seldom gets fulfilled.

The advert began with an outraged (and slightly over-the-top) guy calling the folks at Lip Ice to complain how silly and horrible they have been and how unacceptable their actions have been for taking away the (yet) un-named product.

Jayne: “Gee, there’s gotta be one killer pay-off line here to dig that brand out the hole they’re digging themselves into.”

The ad ends with the reassurance that the original Lip Ice is back and an apology.

My unresearched take on this ad is a positive one- it sounded like a brand responding to consumer demand for the product. If so, then what better way to respond than to say, “We messed up, we know, and for that we apologise. However, we’re back because you want us to be.”

On the other hand, if the brand equity was previously relatively non-existent and the relaunch of Lip Ice products (research) is assuming die-hard loyalty, I fear this campaign is a tad ambitious and wish them all the best.

I really hope I’m not disappointed this time…

Dear ABSA

I would just like to say a few words before I consider accepting this gracious anti-recession gift- one that you would like me to consider as a “now-living-spoil-yourself-treat”.

I wonder how intimately you really know me?

I am curious to find out whether my age or my credit record has instigated this. You see, my age puts me into an opportunity-filled “Young-Up-And-Coming” or “Achievers” customer segment. My credit record makes me lower risk. But, since my credit spending can’t be very profitable for you, I suspect it may be the former. (I suppose I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but since you tell me that the first benefit I’ll enjoy is “having the elite symbol of ‘Gold’ in my wallet”, I am guessing generalisations are permitted.)

I also wonder if you are aware how much money I earn (you do have access to these things, you know). If you actually asked me or just snuck a look at my transaction history, you may see that I have very little spare cash floating around after bills are paid and my petrol tank is topped up. The salary that gets deposited into my account each month is not massive and it doesn’t take the rocket scientist of finance to figure that out.

Regardless, you are telling me to reward myself, expand my existing credit limit and buy things that I cannot afford this month and will not be able to afford next month. (I somehow imagine that paying rent and cell phone bills, paying off a car, and filling my car with petrol to get to work is not quite considered a treat.)

Enough said, but I’d like to correct you on something: “living for now” is a saying more appropriately and wisely used in conjunction with one’s attitude as opposed to one’s spending patterns during a financially-insecure recession. But, thank you for the invaluable advice.

Regards,
Jayne